traditions – Salty Dictionary

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30k Views17 Comments414 Votes

Black History Month

Annual Celebration of Ingratitude, Violence, Abomination, Bickering, and Resentment.

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17.1k Views15 Comments11 Votes

Bible

Ancient fantasy publication about made-up events in the parallel universe

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31.5k Views15 Comments332 Votes

Easter

A Christian holiday acknowledging the existence of Zombies by commemorating the resurrection of Jesus from the dead on the third day after his burial following his crucifixion.

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23.7k Views11 Comments227 Votes

New Year Resolution

An annual to-do list you enthusiastically write on January 1st and accidentally recycle by January 7th.

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32.3k Views10 Comments324 Votes

Mother's Day

The acknowledgment of free domestic maid services.

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19.8k Views9 Comments291 Votes

Thanksgiving

North American annual celebration for diabetes and heart attacks.

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18.9k Views8 Comments261 Votes

Father's Day

The day to acknowledge unappreciated ATM machines.

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25.4k Views8 Comments259 Votes

Good Friday

The day Jesus’ last words were not “TGİF”

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23.5k Views8 Comments358 Votes

Christmas

The time of the year people sit in front of a plastic tree, eat candy out of socks, and listen 50’s music.

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24.6k Views7 Comments254 Votes

Memorial Day

Annual mattress buying event for Americans.

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18.8k Views5 Comments260 Votes

International Women’s Day

The day we celebrate the hard work of being born with two X-Chromosomes.

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28.8k Views5 Comments285 Votes

4th of July

The annual ritual of eating hot dogs and waving flags before going back to tolerating the exact things the founders would have tarred and feathered people for.

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