Beyond Gay
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Proof that if you mash enough fake blood and binders into a patty, hipsters will pay premium prices to feel morally superior while their arteries clog anyway.
The stock that crashed harder than its own sales after people realized “bleeding” veggie patties were just expensive soy cosplay with worse nutrition.
The company that turned “eat the bugs” into “eat the pea protein isolate” and called it progress while raking in subsidies from the same government that bans meat ads.
The ultimate grift: convince rich white liberals that fake meat saves Earth, then quietly rely on massive water use, monocrop farming, and fossil-fuel processing to make it.
The poster child for fake virtue: costs more, tastes worse, hurts the environment more than advertised, and still gets tax breaks for “innovation.”
The meat substitute that proves you can fool some of the people all of the time if you slap a green label on it and tell them they’re saving the cows.
The vegan victory lap that tastes like sadness and cardboard, costs twice as much as beef, and still needs a chemistry degree to pronounce half the ingredients.