An annual to-do list you enthusiastically write on January 1st and accidentally recycle by January 7th.
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Next year’s plan to correct for this year’s overcorrection of last year’s mistakes.
A goal so ambitious, it requires a full year of procrastination to properly ignore.
Optimism’s annual comeback tour, cancelled after the opening act.
A list of how you’ll be different, pinned to the fridge right next to a list of pizza places.
Next year’s first inside joke between you and you.
A delayed, 365-day homework assignment you give yourself every December 31st
A personal mandate so negotiable, it makes a politician’s pledge look binding.
The art of turning last year’s guilt into this year’s self-improvement fan fiction.
A gym membership’s one-month raison d’être.
A solemn promise to yourself that expires faster than a carton of holiday eggnog.