The 2026 blowout at Levi’s Stadium where the Seattle Seahawks steamrolled the New England Patriots 29-13 while California celebrated by taxing all player salaries for the entire season under its new “Fair Share Super Bowl Tax.
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The Battle of the Authoritarian Bureaucrats, where West Coast Communists beat the East Coast Socialists 29-13.
The championship where both teams took a knee during the anthem, the flyover was performed by electric drones to reduce the carbon footprint, and the trophy was presented by a UN committee.
The game memorable only for its catastrophic halftime show, featuring an AI-generated hologram of a 1990s pop star performing a auto-tuned duet with a TikTok influencer about crypto.
The cure for insomnia disguised as a championship, a 29-13 procedural win by the Seahawks so devoid of drama that the most exciting play was a penalty flag getting stuck in the goalpost.