life – Salty Dictionary

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18k Views7 Comments279 Votes

Life

A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate

279 Points
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18k Views7 Comments342 Votes

Time

The arbitrary division of eternity

342 Points
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18k Views6 Comments358 Votes

Saturday

Foreplay for Sunday

358 Points
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23.5k Views6 Comments282 Votes

Sarcasm

The body armor of the quick-witted.

282 Points
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18k Views5 Comments183 Votes

Oxymoron

The opposite of the opposite

183 Points
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11.7k Views5 Comments205 Votes

Morning

The time when the bed has more gravity

205 Points
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28.3k Views5 Comments281 Votes

Assisted Suicide

The government-sponsored exit strategy for when life gets expensive or inconvenient.

281 Points
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26.8k Views4 Comments268 Votes

Reincarnation

The feel-good theology that lets people avoid confronting mortality by pretending they’ll get unlimited do-overs.

268 Points
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9k Views4 Comments249 Votes

Life Insurance

a contract that keeps you poor all your life so that your survivors can be rich after you die

249 Points
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18k Views4 Comments355 Votes

Dictionary

The only place where success comes before work

355 Points
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18.9k Views3 Comments270 Votes

Sunday

The shortest day of the week.

270 Points
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18k Views3 Comments

Birthday

A day to celebrate that you haven’t died in the last year

1 Point
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